It’s Actually Not Okay…

We all have that one friend (or maybe multiple) who are unable to listen to us vent. Well, they listen, but then they start talking and it’s all for naught.

Every human being will, at one point or another (or multiple), have problems in their lives. It’s just a hard fact of truth. If you’re living, then you’ll have problems. Some of us have been blessed with an unknown power that just seems to constantly attract them (I’m speaking from experience here). It’s like those people who are more likely to get struck by lightning than others? Yup. That’s me and problems. Maybe you’re the same way. Anyways, the majority of my friends are great listeners. They allow me to rant and vent in a healthy way and they always have something to offer when I ask for advice. Key word: ASK. I also have one or two friends who, whenever I vent to them about something: “I’m struggling with”, or “you won’t believe what she/he did.” or “Can you believe the nerve of so-and-so.” they always seem to have a comeback…no matter how foreign the topic is to them.

Included in all those unnecessary comebacks? “It will be okay.”

Honestly, that’s the truth. It WILL indeed be okay. I know that deep down inside, at the end of the day, no matter how bad things seem, it will all be okay in the end. How does John Lennon put it? “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” I believe that’s the truth. However, in the moment things typically seem catastrophic, disastrous, calamitous, fateful, and a whole slew of other complicated adjectives. Saying, “it will all be okay” really minimizes the other persons feelings and emotions. In my head, I’m thinking: Yes, thank you captain obvious. But right now, in this moment it’s NOT okay.

I pay a therapist to give me advice and suggestions on how to behave in response to situations and how to handle certain stressors in my life. Don’t do a job you aren’t getting paid for. Be a friend to someone, that’s usually all they need. LISTEN has all the same letters as the word SILENT. So, be a silent listener and give feedback when it’s appropriate – when it’s asked for. Because, yes….everything will be okay. But that’s not always true in the moment and it’s off-putting to someone to feel as though their feelings are qualified or relateable.

Yes, it will be okay. No, it’s not okay to say that it will be okay. And it’s not really advisable to offer advice unless it’s asked for. You will find when you are quick to listen and slow to respond that people will find you much more approachable and they’ll come to you more! It will make both people involved feel so much better about themselves, the friendship, and the fact that – IT WILL BE OKAY.

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