Seeking Freedom From Words.

“Without your body – your genes, your brain, your appearance – you would, indeed, be a nobody.”

The above statement was written in my psychology text book. And I whole heartedly resent it so, SO much.

I would like to refute the idea that I am limited to just a body, my genes, my brain, and my appearance. No, I believe that we, as humans are so much more than just those things.

I am more than my genes and my DNA. I am composed of many parts. Yes, my family heritage, history, health, etc are all a part of that – but not a defining part. There are trends in my family history which I wish had never existed, but the truth is that they did and do still exist. I acknowledge this, and am working towards changing those harmful patterns in my own life. I am more than my genes. Yes, I got my brown hair and eyes from my mom, and yes, I got my round face and my height from my father – but I am so much more than my genes. I can’t change past family history, but I can (and will) rise above it and make the future a different and, Lord willing, a better place to reside.

I am more than my brain. I have a brain…a not so strong one. But ultimately, at the end of my life it won’t matter what state my brain is in – how many math facts I could say in 60 seconds, how much science I have memorized, what poems I can recite, etc. What matters is my state of mind, and similarly to my genes – I am moving mountains to evolve the way I relate to myself, and this includes having a healthier state of mind. No, I am not reduced to a brain and scientific facts.

My appearance? Don’t even get me started. I hate my appearance. I have a round face, imperfect skin, frizzy curly hair, I’m awkwardly tall and awkwardly proportioned. I have fought for years with mirrors, waged a war against myself – the size of my waist, the appearance of my face, the color of my hair…the skin on my arms and legs have been battle grounds. I have spent nights wishing I were dead and wishing I could be anyone else in the world because “I am so, so hideous and ugly that it hurts.” or because “No one will ever want me when I am this fat.” I am more than my appearance. I have fought for this belief and I refuse to let it go because someone tries to reduce me to a weight, hair color, jean size, shoe size, etc. I will NOT allow my existence to be limited by people who aren’t willing to take the time to look past the surface and see what I have to offer.

Without my body, I AM A SOUL. I am a soul with a mind, heart, and spirit that years to learn and to be fed the knowledge from books, music, poems, 3am conversations, experiences, lessons, and so much more. I simply reside in a body – a body in which I am constantly uncomfortable and trying to learn to love again. But it’s JUST a body – a temporary home which will house me until I reach bigger and better places.

I refuse to be reduced to this body. I am more than a nobody. I am a soul that wishes only to thrive in this cruel, harsh world. I am learning to love myself again, and it’s a process which I’m not sure will ever be complete until the day that I am ready to leave this body behind and move on to the grander things God has in store.

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