Okay?

Some moments leave me in awe of the world around me and the God that I serve. Today it’s rainy and dreary, but it is still beautiful. There is always beauty amidst the storms.

If this is the first blog post you’ve read, welcome! If you’ve read any of my other ones you probably have a general idea of what this season of my life entails. Hours upon hours of traveling, airport lines, fast food, stressful auditions, meeting new people, meeting deadlines, and the attempt to live up to standards and expectations. It is so, so easy to get lost among all of this.

Storms can be exciting – the clamp of thunder and the beautiful display of lightning flashing across the sky. The excitement (and often times, the annoyance) of losing electricity and having to light candles to see in the dark. Sometimes, without the low glow of a candle, we’d be left completely blind and exposed to the elements around us – lost in a world that is changing and evolving with and without our active participation.

Life is quite similar.

Sometimes, particularly in this season of my life – while I’m experiencing the excitement of claps of thunder and the light show provided by lightning, I lose electricity – I lose energy, stamina, will power, and I find myself just generally exhausted and depleted of all the resources that I think or feel that I need to make it through another day.

But somehow, some way, my candle never burns out. Even when the flame is burning low, it is always still burning. No matter how dim it may get, it is always just enough to get me to where and what I need to accomplish in my daily activities and life. Yes, life is still a battle. I have good days and bad days…days that food is the absolute last thing I want to deal with and days that it’s just another part of my daily routine. Sometimes it’s easy and straightforward, but sometimes it’s not. God never leaves me in the dark though. Throughout all of this – the fight to continue recovery, sustaining mental, emotional, and physical health, practicing violin, auditioning, meeting people, traveling, keeping up with school, God has never allowed my flame to go out.

Often times I find myself looking at my calendar and just feeling scared and overwhelmed. But I KNOW that God will never give me more than I can handle and at the end of every day I go to bed with thanksgiving – thank you, God, for getting me successfully through another day. Day to day living has proven to be a remarkable thing. 24 hours. That’s it. That’s all we have right now, in this moment. Let’s live those 24 hours to the best of our capabilities and leave what happened yesterday in the past and allow God to worry and plan out tomorrow for us.

I have learned SO much in this short season of my life. I am excited to see it progess and play out, and I am excited to know that I am loved, regardless of any outcomes or circumstances. I will be okay. That’s the long and short of it – we will all be okay.

And that’s a beautiful thing – to be confident that it will all be okay. I am alive. I am breathing. I am capable of loving those around me. I am capable of making a difference TODAY. And for today, I am OKAY.

“You’ll be fine. You’re 25. Feeling [unsure] and lost is part of your path. Don’t avoid it. See what those feelings are showing you and use it. take a breath. You’ll be okay. Even if you don’t feel okay all the time.”
― Louis C.K.

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