A Constantly Changing Heart

It’s amazing how many changes one individual experiences every single day. Just our physical bodies are said to change over 500 times throughout the day. I think if my physical body goes through that much, my poor mind must be in constant motion – probably tripling the change of my physical body. But what about our hearts?

My heart is always changing as well – I would like to think that it’s always growing. Sadly though, I’m not sure that’s always the case. Ahh, being human and horribly imperfect is such a difficult thing to be and to grasp.

I have many absolutely amazing women in my life. I am constantly in awe of these people around me and everything they do that encompasses who they are. From my very best friend since the 4th grade, to my previous teachers turned from authority figures to confidants – their capacity to love and to live often times leaves me speechless.

Last night, I was very humbly reminded of the beauty of the lives that surround me. My previous orchestra teacher (of 7 years!!) and now friend, was asked to display some of her art for sale at a local store near my home. Of course I went! I had to see all the things she has created and poured her heart into – I wouldn’t miss it for the world!

Her paintings were BEAUTIFUL! I mean, the work that it must have taken – not to mention the patience she must have had – just blew me away! This woman, who I’ve always viewed as a musician, has many talents that I didn’t even know existed! It is humbling and inspiring to me to see her pursue something that is fairly new for her – something different from what I knew her to identify with (which for most people is their job, for her obviously it was music).

I have been having such an internal struggle over music schools and where I’ll be headed in the fall. I so desperately want to succeed at what I do – not for my resume, but because I want to be as good as I can possibly be and go as far as I can possibly go. I want to stretch myself. But last night was a much needed reality check for me.

There are wonderful, beautiful souls in small places. My home town is small, and everyone knows everyone (to be honest, sometimes it’s suffocating). This woman, who has been so important in my life and crucial to my growth as an individual has changed not only my life, but the lives of many whom she has taught over the years. To see that she can make such a difference in such a small place is humbling. Not to mention, that she is pursuing many different talents, not to build her resume, but to grow as an individual – such a sweet reminder that I am a PERSON, and that growth is so important in all areas of my life. Also a good reminder, that it’s important to pursue things that interest you – it’s okay to make time for other interests and it’s NORMAL to have other interests and passions.

So where’s my constantly changing heart?

As far as college is concerned, yesterday was a good reminder that I can (and plan too) make a difference wherever I go to school – no matter how big or small the student body, the city, the name of the school, etc. I have more to offer than just notes on a page – I am an individual with many interests and passions, and I need to go to a school that will help me grow as a human being, not just a musician. That being said, I’m still going to fight for the money I need in order to attend the school of my dreams – but, if it doesn’t work out, that doesn’t mean that I can’t be happy somewhere else. After all, this is really all about God, isn’t it? I’m pursuing music because I feel he has called me to do that. I’m pursuing it with the intention of honoring him and using that talent for his glory – He won’t let me down. God never fails, never makes mistakes, and he’s never late. What will be, will be what’s best for me – even if I can’t see it at the time.

This sweet teacher of mine, who taught me so much while I was in school, continues to teach me in many different ways. To say that she is just a beautiful soul who has been a continual blessing in my life, minimizes her true impact. I want to be so much like her – to love as many as possible, to inspire as many as possible, to make a difference in many DIFFERENT ways wherever my life takes me.

Thank you, Lord, for placing so many beautiful women in my life who are constantly changing my heart and helping me grow. I could NOT be more thankful.

“To have our needs met, to love, to be loved, to feel safe in this world and to each know our purpose, is a simple matter of creating those blessings for others.”
― Bryant McGill, Voice of Reason

“You were not just blessed for yourself,
your were blessed to be a blessing to
― Ifeanyi Enoch Onuoha


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