I am sitting on my bed, tears rolling down my face. I am looking at the destruction of my safe place – my bedroom. Clothes that are piled up in a suitcase, shoes packed away in a cardboard box, a half empty closet, guitar, some art that has been taken off the walls in preparation for my move to Michigan.
Here it comes: I heard this song on the radio on my drive to and from D.C. yesterday. “You Can’t Hold Me Down” by All Things New. (it’s okay to laugh – I always include music in my posts because I find it so relatable and inspiring). This song is my Anthem, as I head off into the great unknown…and the freezing cold temperatures :p
In the preparation of packing up my entire life and moving it 12 hours north, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting.
These past 2 years…wow. I am in shock. I have been so outrageously blessed by my Savior and His loving presence in my life. I have made SO many new friends! I have met so many warriors, experienced so many new feelings and things, grown in so many ways…and also broken down new barriers and shed thousands of tears. I think in the past 2 years I have cried more tears than I had my entire life combined previously – tears of fear, weakness, sickness, frustration, but also so many tears of hope and happiness and joy!
In the past 2 years I have traveled all over the country (for various reasons). I have met brothers in sisters who are fighting for their lives. I have met tons of wonderful musicians. I have made friends who are true sisters to me. I have also lost quite a few friends – people change, they grow, and as we grow up we often times grow apart. The past 2 years have changed me in so many significant ways – different things are at the top of my priorities list and I have found my own voice to use to defend those priorities and passions. Friendships that fall apart are extremely painful, especially when they were with someone who was so very close for so many years – but they happen. Life continues, and everyone involved grows in different ways.
In the past 2 years I have grown tremendously in my walk with Christ! I have nurtured new relationships and walked away from toxic ones. I have dyed my hair various colors, gotten a tattoo and experimented with different clothing styles. I have grown as a musician, learned a lot about relationships and friendships, discovered my voice, and most importantly – fallen more in love with Jesus Christ each and every day!
“My God is UNDEFEATED! You can’t hold me down!” I know I will face new challenges as I move forward with this next step in my journey. I already have had Satan try to tear me down with new health issues, but nothing can steal my Joy – I’m dressed in the Armour of God my Father! I will take these days ahead one step at a time – trying to do my very best to revel in all God’s glory surrounding me. Even on the worst days, I am thankful to be choosing recovery and to be choosing to follow Christ!
“Get off me devil
Don’t need your trouble
I know you come like a thief in the night
I’ve got the Good News
And I’m here to tell you
No you’re never gonna win this fight
My God is undefeated
Love has won my freedom
You can’t hold me down
You’ll never steal my joy, No
The grave has been destroyed
You can’t hold me down
Oh yeah, na na na na na
Get under my feet
Your lies are so weak
No I’m never gonna run and hide
Dressed in the armor
Of God my Father
And He’s fighting for His child
Through many dangers, toils, and snares
I have already come;
‘Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
And Grace will lead me home”
Praying to my Lord and God beneath this sweet and comforting prayer shawl given to me by the sweetest soul ❤ God’s got this – He always has and He always will.
“Each of us has a significant place in the tapestry of the world’s story. The Creator, created it so. When we are misplaced or displaced from our singular significance–from fear, lack of integrity, playing small; we decline our life’s purpose. In other words, if we languish- refusing to flourish- oneself and the entire world is deficient.”
― LaShaun Middlebrooks Collier
“Find the joy in your everyday situations. You have the choice, you always did and you will always do. Thrive.”
― Ana Ortega