Never have I found myself on my knees in worship so many days in a row – every single day the past 10 days I have found myself in tears (or very teary eyed) at some point during the day, often times multiple points throughout the day. I have sung at the top of my lungs…with groups of other Christians, and alone in my apartment! I have found myself dancing and flitting about – what to others may seem silly and weird, to be dancing alone – but I know with whom I’m dancing; I am dancing in the arms of my Savior!
I can not tell you how safe I feel in His arms! NOTHING can break His strong embrace – His arms are wrapped around me constantly, protecting me and leading me!
People who I have been engaged in conversation with, particularly more recently, have almost all heard me reference the “God things” in my life. I can not list all the “God things” in my life because my life in and of itself IS a “God thing”. Suddenly, when you internalize the belief that you aren’t living for yourself, but for someone much bigger than you—a KING – the clumsy steps to the dances you’ve been trying to master all seem to come a little bit more easily and you feel more confident dancing in front of others. I have been SO blessed to witness people around me dancing, to feel them inviting me to join them, and to be slowly stepping forward in confidence saying, “I can dance too. And I WILL dance!”
I would love to share just a FEW of the “God things” that have been going on since I got to Ann Arobor 2 weeks ago!
1. Through a mutual friend I was connected with a family here who is very active in their church! They have taken me under their wing and been so generous in including me in their church events/services and giving me rides so that I am able to attend and enjoy these things that are necessary to my fostering and growing in my relationship with Christ. My biggest fear in moving to Michigan was leaving the church that I have attended my entire life and the people that I know their…but God has provided for me!
2. Having struggled with anorexia so severely and trying to maintain recovery – while not allowing that to be part of my identity here at school…I have been feeling kind of isolated from people. My past struggles are not something I am ashamed of, but also not something that I want to say when I’m first meeting people…so, initially there has been no one here who can say, “I’ve been there. I understand” or a similar version of that. But again, God provided. I met a very sweet friend here just a few days after moving and she shared with me that she is in recovery from an eating disorder. I have someone to go too when things get tough/overwhelming. I have someone who understands my struggle and has felt some of the same/similar things I have felt/feel.
3. Another thing I was very apprehensive about was having a new violin teacher. I have really only had 2 teachers in my life (aside from summer programs). One of which I studied with for 11 years and the other who I studied with for almost 2 years! Both of these women are FABULOUS musicians and even better individuals than they are musicians! Needless to say, we are very, VERY close and there’s no way that either of those relationships could ever be replicated by anyone else – it’s just not possible. Leave it up to God – he provided yet again. My new teacher and I will have a very different bond than my previous 2 teachers, but to feel so accepted and to have so much kindness shown to me just in or first lesson was phenomenal. This teacher took me, right where I am technique and musicality wise and we went from there – no outlandish expectations, no criticism over the past 2 years of my life, no cruel words or harsh insensitive statements – I felt accepted and encouraged and inspired. This man made it clear to me that he is on my side and here to help me grow – both musically and as an individual. What a HUGE blessing!
4. Something that has also been a “God thing” is all the continued support I’ve received from home. I was so terrified that people who take on the “out of sight, out of mind” type of thinking once I left. But I have continued to receive emails/messages from people back home that inspire me and encourage me to keep pushing forward. I have felt love surround me from entirely different states and God has taught me that the people who truly love you, can do it regardless of the distance between you. Such a valuable lesson.
These “God things” just scratch the surface of the two weeks I’ve been here…i could go on and on and on with a list that never ends! God is so good. Moving to Michigan was a leap of faith – and to witness God so clearly show me that this is right where He wants me….after all the sleepless nights, the fervent prayers, the internal struggles, and also all the health issues and mountains I’ve had to climb the past few years…to see and FEEL everything vividly, just leaves me speechless.
It’s not, by any means, all rainbows and sunshine. There have been really hard moments – even hard days…but I KNOW that even in those days and moments, God is still in control of my story – more than in control – He is the AUTHOR of it! I am safe. I am loved. I am learning to dance. I am finally becoming!