It’s a well known fact that I am absolutely horrible about studying academic subjects. I love to read and I enjoy learning, but ask me to know scientific facts for a test and I won’t know how to even begin to memorize them. Violin concerto to learn in a month – no problem. Biology Exam in 2 weeks – SOS! I’d like to think that I’m very capable of learning things through osmosis – sitting in class absorbing information, or speaking musically – playing along side others. I know that these things work.
So, if we can learn academic subjects and artistic subjects in part through things like osmosis (or just mentally being present while material is presented), is it possible to learn other things that way as well?!
I really hope that it is possible! This past week in particular, I am having a really tough time residing in my body and my mind – it’s making me want to isolate from others, I’m getting stuck in negative thought patterns, and feeling bad about myself and where/who I am. I’m just kind of feeling angry, tired, and worn out with things. So, here I am faced with some really tough choices. I can completely shut down, shut everyone out, and let me mood be plastered blatantly on my face and in my words. OR, I can choose to show extra compassion and kindness to others around me. Maybe, through osmosis I’ll learn from my outward behaviors towards others and be able to turn that same compassion inward towards myself.
When we take extra care to show kindness to others we are much more likely to receive it back ourselves – whether it be from the same person we showed it too, others who witnessed it, or just random life events that occur which are to our benefit. I started by buying a homeless woman lunch yesterday – it was cold and rainy and she asked for money, but because I don’t agree with giving homeless individuals money, I offered to buy her lunch instead. All she wanted was a bagel and cream cheese which was easy enough and the thank you she gave me was worth every last penny and more. My heart felt full and her stomach was full (if only temporarily). But it warmed my heart so much that sometimes I ask myself if it was selfish because I got so much joy from it.
Today is a much different story. I’ve been walking around in a sleepy, dazed, fog all week and just been feeling like lesser than a human being. My mind has been such a bully to my heart and it’s time for some serious self care. Aka: I’m taking a nap, maybe going for a walk, treating myself to some Chinese food for dinner, and making it an early night to bed. A lot of times whenever I stop to (try to) take naps or take a break from my usual whirlwind routine, I feel immense guilt. I should be doing more, could be doing more, will regret not doing more. But if we don’t take time to at least pause every now and then, our bodies can’t function at full speed ahead and our minds can’t achieve all their capable of – not to mention, our hearts and souls get tired and weary much faster. Tomorrow I will be back to my old self (Lord willing) and I will hopefully be in a better mentality and ready to take on the world.
This whole thing turned into an off topic ramble. Basically, be kind to others even when you can’t be kind to yourself – you just might teach yourself a lesson 😉 🙂