An Open Letter To My First Love

I’m writing to say some things I’m not sure I ever said in the past.

I got on facebook a few days ago to see your relationship status change. I had to chuckle to myself a bit because she has the same first name as me….a little weird. But I hope you’re happy. I really, really do.

We ended things a little over 2 years ago and initially it was so dreadfully painful. But we grew up and we grew apart. It was time for something different. Despite it having been over 2 years, I want you to know that I still love you. I still love you, but it’s different now. I don’t get butterflies when your name pops up in my news feed or on my phone. I don’t become short of breath if I see you in public. I don’t have the urge to run to you with my arms flung wide open. Those are things of the past.

But I do still love you. I love you in the way that I want you to be happy – truly, genuinely, deep in your soul, happy and fulfilled in your life. I want you to be surrounded by friends, family, and yes – a significant other, who will treat you with love and respect and adore you in the same way that I once did. In fact, I want you to have more than I was ever able to offer you.

You loved me at a very strange time in my life. I’m so grateful that I had you during that scary time of uncertainty, illness, and pain. Although, I know that my pain ultimately hurt you as well…and for that, I will forever be sorry!

Thank you for everything – every “I love you,” every date, every love letter, and even every argument. You helped me learn and grow with both the amazing moments and the toughest moments of our relationship. Most of all, thank you for letting go. Thank you for the experience of pain and loss and the chance to rebuild myself. I hope you view it in a similar way. I hope when you think of me, you are able to recall the good, silly, fun moments. I know I’m thankful for those moments – every single one.

I am a different person now than I was 2 years ago. And you are too. It’s impossible to go through life and not evolve in some way or another. I would like to think we are both better people now than 2 years ago, although we are still so very different.

I wish you the best. I hope your life is filled with beauty and sunshine. And when it’s not, I hope you hang on to the hope that the sun always rises in the morning no matter how dark the night is.

Thank you for loving me. Thank you for helping me to grow. Thank you for being you and for walking along side me through a portion of my life. I hope you keep walking, striving, reaching higher and higher, and I hope you fall madly in love with someone who falls madly in love with you.

God bless,
Sarah Catherine πŸ™‚

 

β€œIt is good to love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is well done.”
― Vincent van Gogh

]asdhad

This is my truth. I’m loving. I’m learning. I’m becoming. And I’m choosing to speak bravely.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s