Hello lovely humans! It’s time for a February recap here on the blog!
February has been a long month (not just because it’s a leap year, but just because it’s been a whirlwind of activity, struggle, joy, and growth)!
Some of you may remember this post that I wrote towards the start of the month?
Well, friends. Here it is:
I conquered a Chipotle burrito with chips and guacamole as a side and although it was daunting and anxiety provoking, it was good to prove to myself that I am capable of taking on challenges and fear foods like this! Here’s to more burritos in the future!
Literally not a single starbucks or panera in Ann Arbor had that darn Valentine’s cookie the weekend before Valentine’s day when I went out in search for it – so I had to compromise with a similar sugar cookie from Panera. And let me tell you – it literally just melted in my mouth – it was so freaking delicious! Definitely worth the stress (and gas) that it took to find it!
This last challenge was probably the most disappointing. I got a cheeseburger from our dining hall here on campus (because it was “free”) and I ate it – but I didn’t like it. It didn’t really taste very good to me…which could be because it’s been AGES since I’ve eaten beef or any red meat, or it could just be because it came from the dining hall. It’s anyone’s guess, but at the end of the day, I’m glad I gave it a shot because…now I know: avoid dining hall hamburgers.
Other food adventures this month include:
A mango smoothie!
Yummy Vegan cupcakes my lovely friend made to celebrate my birthday!
And a new food adventure at Tomukun here in Ann Arbor!
On a bit of a different topic, many of you may also remember this post:
My best friend of 11.5 years, Chloe (the one this blog is actually named after) passed away on February 11. It was heartbreaking, sudden, and unexpected. Death is never easy and for a few days there it sent my world spinning. It’s important to acknowledge how fragile life truly is and how quickly things can change just in a few seconds.
I’m thankful for some absolutely amazing friends who helped make this month bearable. It hasn’t been an easy one – between having 5 EKG’s, coming off all the sleeping medications I’ve been on for 2 years now, dealing with the loss of Chloe, and trying to maintain and grow in my recovery.
But I have a new mantra: If David fought Goliath, I can too.
I can. And I will. I’ve had such great inspiration this month both from my Pastor and church family back home as well as from the church I’ve been going to here in Ann Arbor. I’ve been wrapped up in the arms of some amazing friends, and I’ve been making my way through day by day with lots of coffee, prayers, and encouragement from those around me.
In addition to ALL of this, the last week of February is NEDA Week (National Eating Disorder Association) week and it’s a week to raise awareness of the severity of eating disorders and the complexity of the illness. This left me feeling very reflective about my life and I spent (way too much) time thinking about how things came to be, where I’ve been, where I’m going, etc. Sometimes I am seriously in shock, how did I end up in such a great place, studying something I love, surrounded by amazing people, musicians, friends, and a loving community where I can be open and honest?! God is so, SO remarkably good! That being said, the fight isn’t over and there is still progress to be made, but for now – for today, I am going to TRY to find it within me to be proud of who I am and how far I’ve come.
There will always be trials in our lives. There will always be tough times that we have to wade through – but if we’re true to our hearts and make sure that we’re tuning in to the right voices and only accepting answers and guidance from those who truly love us and have our best interests at heart, there’s no way we won’t make it.
Today, Sarah Young wrote in her devotional titled “Jesus Calling”:
“Listen more to Me and less to your doubts. I am leading you along the way I designed just for you. I go before you as well as alongside you, so you are NEVER alone.”
So, as March approaches I’m hanging on to this truth found in Psalm 37:5, “Depend on the Lord; trust Him and He will take care of you.”
“Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?”
― Mary Manin Morrissey