When Love Rushes In.

This week has been enlightening. Tough, but enlightening. You see, I expected this week to be absolutely dreadful. I knew that the late night rehearsals, school assignments, lessons, coachings, etc were all going to come crashing down on me. I figured by the end of the week I would be a psychotic mess.

But here I sit. Granted, it’s only Thursday. But the week is quickly drawing to a close and I am relatively sane-minded and only mildly sleep deprived. Why? Because this week I had an excuse to love myself, to be extra kind and compassionate, and I realized through doing that this week, that I had a much better, more successful, and happier time because of it.

It hasn’t been an easy week – far from it. But it’s been manageable in places where I fully expected to crash and burn. I found excuses this week, given the crazy schedule and hectic whirlwind of constant events and obligations, to be a little kinder and gentler with myself. I made the active decision every day, multiple times a day, to love myself as much as I am capable of, and the outcome – although not perfect, has been far more rewarding than I ever expected.

It came in the simple acts of kinder words to others and to myself. It came in the form of less complaints, more gratitude’s. It came in the late afternoon cat naps and the willingness to sit still. It came in the intentional morning journaling, prayers, and worship time I set aside each day. It came among the efforts to acknowledge my humanness and my innate inability to get everything done and do it all well. It came in the surrender at the end of the day, in which my head hit the pillow and I accepted that, for today, I am done, and I deserve to rest.

This week I made the conscious effort to remind my endlessly perfectionistic self, that there is no mistake I could ever make that can’t be undone or somehow made up for. Grades can be pulled up, classes can be retaken, notes can be replayed, performances will be done multiple times, and so on and so on.

I allowed myself to sit down to dinner with my friends as often as was possible. I allowed myself to do yoga whenever I could, even if only for a very short time. I allowed myself to take short naps, to go to bed when my body demanded, and to take breaks from playing as I needed. I allowed myself to take deep breaths, to stop and restart, to hit the reset button.

I allowed myself to release negativity, the need for perfection, the need to always be demanding more and more of myself. I allowed myself space to live and to simply be. I allowed myself to love. And when love rushed in, the reward was great. I am tired, yes. But it is a simple, physical fatigue that can be made up for with a little extra sleep.

This week, love rushed in in ways I didn’t think I was capable of allowing it too. Love rushed in and I felt new peace and energy that I didn’t feel before. Love rushed in and I’m inviting it to stay for awhile 🙂

opera2opera13

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