I’ve been so horrible at writing and updating things because life has been crazy hectic – which is nothing new. But I find the summer time, or long breaks, to be more challenging than during the school semester because there is no set schedule. It feels and seems as though I have so much more time to accomplish small tasks and then all of the sudden, the time has passed and I’m stuck with an overwhelming pile of things to do in a short span of time. Tis life I suppose.
I want to share my summer plans and adventures because this summer truly has the potential to be the best and most exciting one of my life thus far! But before I share what’s to come, I want to share what has already passed.
When I left school towards the end of April I went to visit the school where I was enrolled during 2012-2013. It was so nice to see some old friends and get to share one of my closest friends’ senior recital with her. She played great and it was exciting to share that evening with her as well as many others!
Post recital celebration! Bravo, Kiara!
I will say that it was a very weird feeling being back on what I once considered to be my old stomping grounds. Every time I go back to visit it feels more and more unreal that I ever spent time there. What’s weird about life is that good memories are easy to forget and bad memories are very tough to shake. It feels as though every time I visit, the memories of being entrenched in my eating disorder and being so completely miserable with my situation are the most present things in my mind and heart and I find that to be so very frustrating and challenging. I want to remember these beautiful people and all the laughs and wonderful times we had, but my brain makes that hard when I’m physically present with them on campus! Thankfully, they have all graduated and so, in the future when I visit them or get together with them – it won’t be at school, it will be out and about while we’re doing life!
Regardless of those negative thoughts and feelings, I had a good (and short) visit and am so proud of all my friends in the 2016 graduating class!
The next step in my adventure was my own recital! I don’t even know where to begin in discussing this – there is so much I could say, but I will (attempt to) keep things brief. One of my favorite humans and an individual who has quickly become very important in my life over the past year or so helped me fix up my dress and do my hair before hand. And for the first time in a long time, I truly felt like I was beautiful. I looked in the mirror and was actually proud and happy with what I saw. It was a weird feeling – probably because it is SO, SO rare for me to ever feel/think that way about myself.
It was truly a wonderful performing opportunity for me and, not only that, it was SO MUCH FUN! I got to work with as fabulous pianist and friend who so graciously donated her time free of charge – again, another reminder of God’s presence in my life and how he works in magnificent ways! It was a beautiful day filled with family and friends and I will look back on it with fond memories for a long, long time! Thank you, to everyone who was there and shared it with me, sent prayers, good vibes, or positive thoughts!
Onward and upward – life doesn’t even pause after a wonderful time like that Saturday performance. The next big event was probably the best/greatest/most fun one yet this summer – my beautiful best friend’s graduation! To say that I am proud of her is a massive understatement. She has overcome challenges and battles that I can not even imagine withstanding and she has come out stronger, wiser, and more steady in her walk with Christ because of it.
Those of you who know me and know a great deal about my life know that there are specific relationships in my life which are extremely, painfully, broken. I have undergone some very painful abuse and my outlook for specific relationships has been grim, at best. I had, at one point, resigned myself to the idea that I would never get to experience certain relationships as the rest of the world seemed to be experiencing them and, to this day, that is still very painful and tough for me to wrap my head around. But here is a girl who fulfills a sisterly relationship, as a healthy one should be – something I never thought I would be able to have in my life. Here is a girl who knows all my weaknesses and loves me anyways, supports me in my goals and dreams, lifts me up, fights for me, and fights along side me. I can be silly with her one moment, cracking up over the most mundane things, and we can be having heart to hearts the next minute. God seriously does work in mysterious ways. God gave me a sister for the ups and downs and, as we all know, God knows best – he knew no mother could possibly handle raising both of us in the same household as biological sisters, so he postponed our meeting till a year or so ago 🙂
So, there’s all that – lots of fun, happy, uplifting events.
I’ve been spending lots of my time sanding and painting furniture for me new apartment I’m moving into next week, hiking and walking with Rachi, reading books, and getting together with other sweet friends!
Ya know, it’s weird coming home. I was away for 8 solid months (I only returned for 2.5 weeks at Christmas time). As a 20-something, young adult, living on my own away from home, I am undergoing constant changes and dealing with a steadily evolving sense of self. I am literally becoming. What I am becoming is hard to say at this point because the process is still so new and foreign – but I know what I HOPE to become and I know that I am taking the steps I feel are necessary and required in order to make progress as a human being and in order to adequately contribute to this world and the space I reside in.
As this first portion of my summer is drawing to a close, I am reminded of how fortunate I am to love and to be loved by many wonderful people. I am also reminded of the growth that still needs to be made and I am more consciously aware of the spaces in my life that are lacking that particular growth. I have no way of knowing what the Lord has in store for me for the rest of this summer, but I know without a doubt that it will not be lacking in many miles traveled – both literally and figuratively. Over the course of the next three months I will be traveling approximately 4,500 miles on the road and countless other miles through the means of new experiences, places, and people. I am asking for your prayers as I embark on this journey – wisdom to stay true to myself and my values, courage to never stop growing, and kindness in order to relate to and reach out to others. My biggest hope with the summer before me is that I can continue to learn how to be a light in this dark, dark world – that I may continue to love others and to allow myself to be loved by others too.
Here’s to new places, new people, new things, and new adventures – may God be present in and throughout EVERY last bit of it! 🙂
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” -Ephesians 2:10
“The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.”
― Christopher McCandless