To the guys out there – the ones who seem to spend a lot of time laying around in bed shirtless, casually flexing their muscles and taking selfies, sending them to girls – this is for you.
I have to be honest and say that I am simply not impressed. Now, of course, I can’t speak for the entire female population – I am sure there are some girls who are simply delighted to receive that 2am snapchat of you: pink faced from a few beers, laying in bed, flexing your muscles and trying to look casual. They are probably flattered – they think they are the only one you sent that photo too. Silly, naïve girls.
Let me be frank – there is only one muscle in your body of which size is important to me. That muscle is your heart. Your attempt at seeming more desirable based on the size of your arms or the number on the weights you lift is futile with me, because I simply do not care. I do not care about your workout regime, your protein intake, and I refuse to give in to your need for affirmation that you either are or are not attractive just in order to boost your ego and self esteem. If that’s what you want from a girl, then you’ll just have to go elsewhere. But then again, I know I’m likely not the only one you sent that selfie too – so I hope that whatever it is you’re looking for, you’ve received it.
I care about your heart – I care about the depth of your love for the world around you, your quirks, your dreams, your aspirations. I care about your thoughts and your plans. I care whether you open doors for me or not, whether you say please and thank you. I care about your enthusiasm, what lights up that spark behind your eyes when you begin down a rabbit trail of passionate discussion. I care about your compassion and kindness, the things that move you, the way you view the world, and the lens which with your view life through.
The absolutely most important thing to me is your search for Christ. Do you love God? Do you ask questions about Him? Do you yearn to know more? How has curiosity of this magnificent Being shaped you and altered your life? Tell me stories about how you’ve seen God work in wondrous ways, how He has saved you and made you and shaped you into who you are. Tell me about the battle in your life – and no, not just the ones where you came out victorious. I want to know both the good AND the ugly.
Let me see the size of your heart, not the size of your muscles.
I have never once considered myself to be even remotely feminist. But let me tell you – I do NOT appreciate being sexualized. I am not an object to be viewed for entertainment or to be looked on lustfully. I will NOT send you suggestive selfies of myself because I respect myself and I value myself and your opinion is of no importance to me. I do not exist simply to be found desirable to another human beings eyes. I am not here to “sit pretty” or to “look good” and it makes me extremely uncomfortable when I get the sense that I am being viewed in that light.
I think it is safe to say that every woman likes to feel pretty, beautiful, and appreciated. So, instead of commenting on the way my body appears to you, why don’t you comment on the size of my heart? Tell me you’re interested in my dreams and plans. Ask me questions about where I want to go and all that I want to achieve. Ask me about what lights me on fire and ignites my passions. Ask me about my journey, my story, my testimony. Comment on the way I’ve fought battles – both the ones I’ve won and the ones I’ve lost. Make me feel noticed for the human being that I am, the way God created me, the things that set my heart ablaze.
And please, don’t send me shirtless selfies. I’m just not interested. I’m looking for a MAN to spend the rest of my life with – not a BOY to spend the night with.
“When enforcing our boundaries, first and foremost, we are caring for ourselves, but we are also helping others to have a clear understanding of what we consider acceptable behavior. We are reflecting back to them what is not acceptable and, therefore, providing them an opportunity to consider that information and make necessary changes.”
― Donna Wood
“Beware of those who are too focused with polishing and beautifying their outer shells. They lack true substance to understand that genuine beauty is reflected from the heart that resides inside.”