I don’t understand how someone could find the strength solely within themselves to survive. It blows my mind that someone could look at me and say, “There is no point to life other than to enjoy yourself and have a good time.” I sat at dinner last night and as the talk evolved from politics to religion I found myself feeling so uncomfortable and SAD. My heart was breaking from the things the people sitting around me were saying. Many of them claimed to be atheists aside from my lovely friend sitting next to me. We spoke up saying that we are Christians and then started the downward spiral.
Questions were thrown in our faces: Why would a good and loving God save some and not all? If He is all powerful then why does Satan win battles? Why doesn’t He just kill or rid off Satan? And on and on and on. Someone even went as far as to say, “People feeling like they need to have faith in a ‘higher being’ is just a sign of insecurity and weakness within themselves. It’s a crutch.” At which point my friend piped up and argued that it takes just as much energy/time/mental and emotional consumption to have faith in God as it does to have faith in anything else, including ourselves.
The truth is that I don’t have all the answers – I don’t have come backs and retorts for all their questions and some of the, honestly – even if it was unintentional, offensive things that were said. I don’t know everything there is to know about the God I serve. And it would be unrealistic to believe that I could ever know it all.
I contribute a lot of my faith and my strength in my relationship with Christ to my battle with mental health. To be blunt: I would have committed suicide a few years ago if I hadn’t had the knowledge of the love of Christ in my life and had people around me who displayed that love and grace towards me and others.
I am ALL for self love. I believe that we are our own worst enemies while we’re at war at ourselves – I’m still fighting battles within my mind and with my body every day, so trust me, I know. But I ALSO know that NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE – not a single living, breathing, being that is alive now or ever was alive or ever will be alive – NO ONE, can meet all of our needs EXCEPT for God! We should love ourselves, no doubt – God wants us to love ourselves – but we should love ourselves in a way that affirms God’s creation as essentially good and right.
The concept of self-sufficiency that these individuals were promoting just blows my mind. I honestly, and genuinely wish I could wrap my mind around it. But I can’t. I just can’t. And I 100% attribute that to my own personal knowledge of the stark contrast between what my life was like and what it’s like now that I carry God’s peace with me each and every moment. I used to think I had to perform a certain way in every aspect of life, I had to fix everything, I had to be perfect – beautiful, smart, talented, etc. For awhile, I measure up. I was able to hold everything in my life together in perfect harmony. And then I wasn’t. When I realized I wasn’t able to do it all, I fell to pieces – an experience which I’m guessing these individuals, the ones who have had the tragedy of experiencing this downfall, haven’t ever been able to truly fully recover from on their own.
There’s only so much I can say. I respect people who have all different types of beliefs – there’s no reason not to be respectful and share God’s love with them through my actions even if my words go unheard. I won’t quit speaking up. I won’t quit arguing for my God and what I believe. It’s frustrating to feel so unheard and shot down, but I have no way of knowing how God is using these conversations to impact people’s hearts – all I can do is hope and pray and pray some more that what I am saying, the way I am behaving, the love I’m displaying – that somehow, someway it’s reaching the hearts of those around me and leaving it’s mark.
It’s very likely that God is also using these tough conversations to teach me. Through these painful moments where Satan seems to be center stage in the spotlight, I am slowly learning how to better articulate my beliefs and display love that otherwise, I might not ever learn how to adequately show to others. I can only pray that God is refining my witnessing skills and that I am growing stronger in my knowledge of Him and my ways of sharing His everlasting love and glory with the world around me!
“Everything you do or say should be done to obey Jesus your Lord.”
“Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”
“And you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.”
“I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles”
― Audrey Hepburn